Digital Parenting: How do we co-parent well in a world where so much of childhood now happens on a screen?

Written by Nicola Watson

Children’s lives are increasingly digital – from schoolwork being completed online to socialising and gaming. According to the most recent Scottish Health Survey, the time children are spending on their devices or screens has hit a record high. This leads to concerns about their future health but also brings other risks such as exposure to harmful content and online bullying or grooming. This is a matter of worry and complexity for most parents. When parents separate, it can make things even trickier, particularly if they have different views on the digital world.

A clear, child-focused digital parenting plan can reduce conflict and give children consistency across both homes.

What should a Digital Parenting Plan contain?

1. Screen time expectations – agree on what devices are allowed and for how long. This will help avoid the “fun house v strict house” dynamic.
   
   
2. Social media rules – agree on the minimum age for your child to have a social media account and consider their privacy settings, discuss who can follow or message the child and who they are able to follow or message. You may also agree on boundaries around what you, as parents, are allowed to post on your own social media when it comes to the children.
   
   
3. Online Safety Measures – consider parental controls and have a conversation with the child about the dangers of social media and of online access in general.
   
   
4. Agree on a plan for device access between homes, if appropriate.

Sharing information – agree that parents should keep the other informed about any new apps which the child has requested access to, and anything of concern around their online usage.

If you feel that you need some assistance with this, mediation can be an excellent forum for such discussions to take place. Digital disagreements are often value-based – one parent is more relaxed, while the other is more cautious. Mediation creates space for both parents to explain where they are coming from, hopefully allowing the other to better understand their concerns.  This can be treated as a discrete issue or as part of a wider discussion around the day-to-day care arrangements for the children. The aim is to create a practical, realistic agreement which allows each parent to feel secure that their child is being given the same message and digital exposure, while with the other parent.